


An Epilogue; Not an Ending

by UnholyNightmare



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ash Lynx and Okumura Eiji Go to Japan, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Memories, Mpreg, Nightmares, Omega Ash, Pregnancy, True Love, alpha eiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnholyNightmare/pseuds/UnholyNightmare
Summary: Ash and Eiji have been living safely in Japan for the past five years. The only people who know Ash is still alive are Max and Jessica, and they are in no more danger at all.They are happy. Together. In love.But something is still missing.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 233





	An Epilogue; Not an Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Written for an awesome person. Thank you so much for letting me write this idea <3 <3

_I want you to bear my pups._

It’s so stereotypical——something alphas can’t help but moan, whisper, scream during their partner’s heats. Eiji’s said it before. The words have slipped out so many times over the last few years that Ash is pretty sure they no longer have any real meaning.

Still, they’ve somehow grabbed hold of him recently, tugging at his subconscious as he dreams, pulling at his mind during waking hours, always there, always whispering in Eiji’s voice, until he’s unable to think of anything else.

It’s not that they haven’t talked about it. It’s an idle hypothetical that they share in the dark of night, eyes locked, voices hushed and quiet. It’s an idea that always shimmers just out of grasp, made _almost_ tangible during Ash’s heats.

_I want you to bear my pups._

“Ash?”

Ash blinks, then looks down at the plate he’s holding. The water is running warm over his hands and he’s holding a scrub brush up against the porcelain, poised to move at any moment but stuck, stagnant in time.

“Ash?” Eiji asks again, then nudges over from where he’s been drying the dishes just enough so that their arms meet.

“Sorry. I…” Ash blinks again, forcing his hand to start moving. The brush circles, leaving little bubbles in its wake, and the dish starts to shine clean as the water washes everything away. Just outside the window, the sun is setting, casting the sky over Izumo in glorious purples and oranges.“I…”

“You seem distracted?”

Ash presses his lips together, trying to ignore the flush he can feel rising to his cheeks. He and Eiji share everything now: from whispered kisses in the park just as the cherry blossoms start to fall, to hushed panic in the moonless sky when the weight of nightmares is so heavy Ash can’t breathe. Eiji has always been able to look inside Ash and understand everything without the need for words, and Ash is learning to do the same. There’s something uncurling within him now though—a tendril of desire that he never knew could exist——and suddenly the thought of voicing it is more terrifying than anything he’s known. “It’s nothing,” he says, his voice just a little too meek to be his own.

Eiji reaches up and brushes the backs of his fingers across Ash’s cheek. “Ash,” he murmurs, fingers wrapping around the back of Ash’s neck as he rises up on the balls of his feet. He’s just tall enough to press a kiss to Ash’s lips. “You are distracted.” Eiji smiles, takes that last plate out of Ash’s hands, and quickly dries it with the blue dish towel that has the yellow roses across the bottom.

It was a wedding gift from Jessica—Ash can remember that much. He doesn’t know why she decided that an entire set of dish towels, hand towels, four aprons, a set of bakeware, and a garishly awful teapot—all with the same boring floral design—was appropriate for their move across the world, but Eiji had accepted everything with a bright smile and gracious thanks.

Ash was pretty sure he just scowled.

(Max said it was to get back at Ash for calling her ‘old’ all those years ago. Eiji didn’t disagree...but Eiji was also so practical it hurt, and had insisted on using everything for the past four years—including the aprons, which he, admittedly, looked adorable in.)

“Ash!”

Ash shakes his head, trying to force himself back into the present.

“Come on. What are you thinking about?”

Sighing, Ash reaches over and turns off the sink. He grips Eiji’s wrist and pulls him close, burying his nose in the crook of Eiji’s neck. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too.”

“You smell good.”

“Ash…” Eiji murmurs, with just enough alpha bite in his words that Ash can tell he’s ready for Ash to get to the point.

“You know how...well...youwantmetobearyourpups.” He mumbles it so fast the words jumble as they spill out.

“Ash.”

This is quieter. Patient. Eiji takes a deep breath in and Ash can feel the movement of his throat as he swallows—he could smell thick notes of wood, salt, and sea. “You said you want me to bear your pups,” Ash says, then closes his eyes against Eiji’s neck, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

Eiji doesn’t say anything for a long while, just swallows a few times. Eventually he moves, cupping his hand against Ash’s jaw and forcing Ash’s eyes up. “Yes,” he says. “I do.”

The words are so simple, but filled with so much meaning.

“I don’t know if I can. Everything was...Dino...I might be barren,” he starts, but Eiji puts a finger against his lips.

“Do you want to try?”

Ash gives the smallest nod, unable to look away from Eiji’s pupils as they grow bigger and bigger.

Eiji’s finger slips away and then they are kissing, Eiji pressing into Ash, Ash pressing into Eiji. The sun begins to dip just below the horizon and Eiji breaks away just long enough for a breath.

“I want to try, too.”

The next day, Ash comes home from the grocery store with vegetables, fruit, milk, the godawful soybeans that Eiji has requested for natto, the little cartons of noodles that Ash likes so much, three different ovulation kits, and six pregnancy tests.

Eiji helps him unload everything until he gets to that last bag, and then he just bursts out laughing.

“What,” Ash growls. He’s itchy, and hot, and uncomfortable, and every single person at the store smelled fucking _awful_ , and he’s just done with today.

Eiji is doubled over against the table, holding onto his stomach, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

Ash grabs his bag, makes a huge show of storming out of the kitchen, stops in the doorframe only to turn around and give Eiji the finger. “You suck,” he says, then makes his way to the bathroom.

He can hear Eiji still laughing from the bathroom, but Ash doesn’t care. He rips into the first ovulation kit, tears open the packaging, and promptly pees on the stick. It takes just a minute to process; he swallows hard, then opens the next package. Then the third. Eventually, he throws all of it in the trash and throws open the bathroom door. “I’m ovulating!” he yells. The windows are open, he can smell the fresh scent of wisteria from the tree next door, and he’s pretty sure the entire town just heard his announcement, but Ash doesn’t give a fuck.

“No kidding,” Eiji says, coming around the corner with a smile on his face.

Ash frowns, looks behind him at the trashcan where the evidence is now buried, looks down at his hands, then looks back at Eiji. “I’m...how do you know that?”

Eiji throws his hands up in the air and huffs, his eyes rolling so far back in his head Ash is pretty sure it hurts. “Those things are a waste of money. Omegas ovulate during their heat, how do you not know this?”

Ash crosses his arm and scowls as hard as he can. “I know, but I wanted to be sure, and besides, I’m not—”

“It has been five years, Ash!” Eiji’s grinning again. “You still do not know? When it is your...heat? Because you are definitely...well...”

Now there’s heat rising to Ash’s cheeks, more than just the heat that’s flaring up inside of him, and he almost punches Eiji right then and there for being a fucking smart ass. His heats are unpredictable at best—non-existent at worst. There’s no tracking anything, and after years of repressing every ounce of pain or emotion from his body, he still has trouble realizing that what might be symptoms aren’t just figments of his imagination. “I just wanted to make sure,” he mumbles, making sure to glare as hard as he can in Eiji’s direction.

“Well, I am glad you made sure,” Eiji says, smile still bright on his face. “Do you want to take a bath? Or a shower? Do you want to nest?”

Ash wants to do all three, but he doesn’t want to give Eiji the satisfaction of knowing he’s right. “I’m fine,” he growls. He’s not. He can smell Eiji so strongly, it’s hard to breathe right, and his body chooses right then to completely rebel and start shivering.

“Come on,” Eiji croons, brushing past Ash and grabbing his hand, pulling him back into the bathroom. “Take a bath. Then go curl up. I’ll go call your boss and mine, and get everything ready for the next few days.”

“Fine,” Ash says, trying to put as much muster as he can into the single syllable. It just comes out sounding petty and bratty. He has to try extremely hard to resist the urge to cross his arms and stick out his tongue.

Eiji just nuzzles against his neck, nose brushing against Ash’s scent gland, right against the two tiny scars that lay there. His mark. Eiji’s mark. _Their_ mark.

Ash shudders, then lets Eiji lead him to the bath, lets him turn on the water and set it just right, lets him carefully pull the t-shirt over Ash’s head and unbutton his jeans, pushing them down around Ash’s ankles. Ash steps out slowly. Eiji smells _so_ good. Standing, Eiji slides his fingers underneath Ash’s briefs. His fingers are so warm against the skin of Ash’s hip, and Ash can feel himself already starting to harden just from Eiji’s body so close to his.

“Clean up,” Eiji whispers, leaning in far enough that his lips brush against Ash’s ear. Then he slips Ash’s briefs down to his ankles, helps him step out, and helps him into the tub.

Ash moans as he sinks into the hot water, and the pulsing heat within his body starts to grow stronger and stronger. As the water licks around his belly, hot and insistent, he can almost imagine it already, that thrill of excitement, something moving within him…

A child.

He wakes up wet with sweat, rutting against the mattress and moaning Eiji’s name. Every inch of his body is swollen with need and he throws an arm to the side, grasping at the blankets and sheets, searching for Eiji’s hand, Eiji’s arm, Eiji’s body.

He’s not there.

Ash chokes off a sob and keeps moving, throwing his head to the side and inhaling as deeply as he can and trying to pick up the remnants of Eiji’s scent from the pillows. His thighs are already sticky with slick. Ash reaches behind himself rubbing a finger between his ass, trying to force it in as far as he can. It’s not enough. It’s never enough when it’s just him—he can’t reach far enough and he’s thrusting into the mattress as hard as he can just trying to get some friction. He twists over, shoulders screaming in agony, and manages to fit another finger inside of himself. “Eiji,” he sobs. “Where are you... Eiji...Eiji...Alpha, _please_ …”

 _This is worse than normal_. He can barely manage to think around the thick pulse of desperation that’s filling every breath he takes, but he knows that this is so much worse. Ash’s hair is already plastered to his forehead with sweat and he’s openly sobbing against the pillow, contorting himself as much as his body can take so that his fingers can brush against the nerves of his inner walls. It feels like centuries before Eiji’s scent finally breaks through—a thick burst of dark cedar wood and ocean—and Ash lets out a desperate wail.

“I am here, I was just reading in the other room, I am here now, I am here Ash…”

Ash knows that Eiji is going on and on, but it’s hard to hear over the constant buzzing of heat in his ears. Eiji keeps talking, kneeling beside him, helping him out of his shirt. Eiji’s hands are all over his body, rubbing circles on the small of his back. He’s nuzzling at Ash’s scent gland and crooning so, so loudly.

The vibrations are what finally cut through Ash’s fog, and he follows them, turning his head just enough to let Eiji slip between the curve of his neck and shoulder.

“I love you,” Eiji murmurs, lips brushing against the sensitive skin of Ash’s neck. He sinks his teeth into the mating mark and Ash jerks like a live wire, then cums, spurting all over the dark blue of their bedspread.

“Alpa,” he moans, over and over. “Alpha, Alpha, Alpha—”

“Ash,” Eiji says, so deep and authoritative that Ash starts to shiver. “You are doing so good, baby. Let me help.”

“Alpha,” he whines. It’s all he can say. The pleasure of orgasm has already faded and his cock is still rock hard and leaking. His mind is fighting for dominance over the sweltering fog of the heat, and he knows he wants to say so much more. _Help me. Touch me. **Breed me**._ All he can do is force out “Alpha,” past his swollen tongue and hope that Eiji will understand.

Eiji does. He always does.

“Turn over,” Eiji says, voice laced with command, and Ash throws himself onto his back so fast it hurts, desperate to obey. He pulls his knees up against his body and opens them as wide as he can, exposing his hole even as his cock bounces hard against his belly, leaving trails of precum across his skin. He wants Eiji to see, he wants Eiji to push fingers deep inside of him. He wants Eiji’s cock so badly, but Eiji’s hands are still working at the laces on his pajama bottoms, fingers stumbling over the tangle of cord. He’s not even looking at Ash. Ash starts to cry again, thick tears welling over and streaming down the sides of his face.

“Almost there, baby,” Eiji croons, and he puts a hand on Ash’s chest, palm pressed against his heart. There’s enough weight to pin Ash down, but Ash doesn’t mind. The contact is sending frayed pulses of electricity all through his entire body and he can’t stop crying, he can barely breathe, he needs Eiji to mount him, knot him, fill him with seed, now, now, now—

Eiji finally pushes his pants down and leans over Ash, his cock brushing against Ash’s hole. “Fuck, Ash, you smell so good,” his moans, dropping his head to lick at the mating mark, tongue lapping against Ash’s skin.

“Please,” Ash stutters out, hands reaching around Eij’s body and pulling him as close as he can. “Please, Alpha, please fuck me, knot me, I want...I want...I—”

“I know,” Eiji whispers, then reaches down and guides his cock to Ash’s hole, pushing in just enough that Ash can feel the head of it stretch against his walls.

Ash tries to jerk up, to push against him hard enough to take his entire cock, but Eiji moves a hand back to Ash’s chest, holding him down. “Slow down,” he murmurs.

Eiji’s dripping sweat too, and Ash can feel the way he’s trembling, struggling to hold back. Ash wants to beg more, he wants to scream at Eiji to move, to fuck him, to pound into him mercilessly, so hard that Ash starts to bruise.

But deep down, even through the haze of heat, he knows why Eiji moves so slowly.

 _He loves me,_ Ash thinks, wrapping an arm around the back of Eiji’s neck and pulling him down for a deep kiss that leaves him breathless and dizzy. _And I love him_.

Eiji finally gives in, his thighs trembling against Ash’s, and he pushes forward so slowly that his thick cock rubs every single inch of Ash’s walls before he finally bottoms out.

“I love you,” Eiji moans.

Ash’s eyes squeeze closed and he stifles a whimper of pleasure, but Eiji just grunts and manages to tap against the side of his cheek.

“Open,” Eiji gasps out, hips canting back before thrusting into Ash again. “Open your eyes.”

Ash does.

Eiji’s staring straight down at him, the dark brown rings around his eyes almost completely absent because his pupils are so blown wide. A bead of sweat rolls from his forehead down the tip of his nose and hangs there for just a second before dripping off at his next thrust.

Ash can’t breathe. Eiji is so beautiful, so darkly tanned from a season spent outdoors. Ash can see every ripple of muscle as Eiji moves, can follow the lines of his lithe body with his eyes as he keeps pumping into Ash. Eiji’s making tiny little whimpers of pleasure now, biting down on his lip hard enough to turn it dark red, and Ash knows he’s close—Ash can feel it in the way his hips stutter against the backs of Ash’s thighs—

“Ash,” Eiji groans, thrusting forward hard, and Ash throws an arm over his face and sobs, lost in the haze of pleasure as he comes a second time, his cock spurting against his belly and chest. Eiji’s knot is already swelling within him, and he can feel every gush of fluid inside of his body as Eiji releases inside of him. Ash clenches tight around him and never wants to let go. This is perfect, this is everything, this is life…

Eventually Eiji collapses against Ash’s chest, his knot so swollen that neither of them can move. Ash can feel every breath Eiji takes against the curve of his neck, and he relaxes, letting sleep take him now before the heat gets so intense that he can’t rest at all.

It only lasts four days, but it’s still the most intense heat Ash has ever experienced.

“I don’t understand it,” he says, pacing the living room floor as Eiji tries to read on the couch. “I mean...it was normal length so I guess that’s good. But it _hurt_ this time. Worse than the first one I ever had. And it still hurts. What if there is something wrong? I’ve been off suppressants for five years now but what if something is finally surfacing and—”

“Ash,” Eiji groans, dog-earing the page he’s on and throwing it on the coffee table. “You are fine. Your heat ended a full week and a half ago and you are still standing. You are fine.”

“You don’t know that, though. Fuck. I’m getting my laptop.” He stomps out of the living room down the hall to the bedroom, grabs the laptop from his desk, then stomps all the way back to the living room. He nudges at Eiji’s knee, and Eiji scoots over just in time for Ash to throw himself down on the couch beside him. Ash is tired, his stomach hurts, and he just feels like something is off, something is _wrong_.

“You done yet?” Eiji asks with a grin.

Ash just scowls and waits for his laptop to boot up. His glasses slip down his nose, and he pushes them back up with one finger. His knee is bouncing up and down, and he can’t stop thinking a mile a minute that this is what he deserves. That he did too many bad things, that he was unforgivable, that moving to Japan and living with Eiji like he deserved a happy epilogue was stupid, stupid, stupid.

He barely registers that Eiji has scooted closer and unbuttoned his collared shirt, exposing his scent gland so that Ash gets a heady waft of alpha. Eiji places a palm on Ash’s thigh and slowly rubs, the heat of his hand seeping into Ash’s muscles.

It calms him down, but not enough to stop. Ash pulls up Chrome and starts furiously typing against the keyboard.

_Intense heat_

_Omega intense heat_

_Male omega fever after heat_

_Suppressant overdose heat intensity_

_Suppressant overuse future heats_

Eiji leans over and nudges his nose against Ash’s neck, inhaling deeply. “You smell good,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Ash’s neck. “Different. Sweeter.”

“Mmm,” Ash mumbles.

_Male omega heat symptoms_

_Male omega stomach cramps after heat_

_Omega post heat cramps nausea dizziness_

Ash stops. Slams the laptop closed. “Be right back.” He jumps up so fast that Eiji falls over and puts the laptop on the table. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

“No,” Eiji groans, curling dramatically in the spot that Ash just left. “Come back...Ash...come back…”

Ash can hear his plaintive whines in the bathroom and it’s almost enough to distract him from the desperate anxiety that is pulsing through him. Eiji is always so needy, so dramatic, so ridiculous, _just_ because he knows it makes Ash smile, but right now Ash has no room to think around the possibility that has welled up so thick inside of him.

He thumbs on the water so Eiji can’t hear, then goes digging under the bathroom counter, looking for the bag he’d come home with two weeks ago.

 **ClearBlue Rapid Response Omegan Pregnancy Test 2ct** the kit reads. Ash tears into the first one, scans the instructions as quickly as he can, then grabs a tiny paper cup from the stack near their toothbrushes. His heart is beating so fast he can barely breathe, he’s starting to sweat, and little prickles of anxiety make their way up the back of his neck.

 _Please be yes_ , he thinks.

 _Please be no_ , he thinks.

 _Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck_ , he thinks.

He pisses in the cup, dips the stick in it, waits his obligatory 60 seconds, and then looks down. The tiny little screen is still fuzzy, and he can see the bright blue control line, thick and dark.

And right next to it is the barest hint of another line.

“Oh my god,” Ash whispers, clapping a hand to his mouth. The sink is still running, the _whoosh_ of water louder than his breathing, but his heart is thundering in his ears. He carefully disposes of the wrapper and the cup, clicks the blue lid back on the stick, and then washes his hands before shutting off the water and opening the door again.

“Eiji?” Ash calls, not sure if he even trusts his own voice.

“What?” Ash can hear a shuffling sound and then Eiji comes around the doorframe, concern etched into his face. “What is wrong?”

“We’re pregnant?” he offers. His heart is beating too fast, his hands are starting to shake, but across the hall, Eiji gasps hard and presses a fist against his mouth.

“Are you...are you serious?”

Ash nods, and feels himself start to smile. “Yeah. Yeah. We’re pregnant.”

Eiji wants to tell everyone.

Ash does not.

He manages to keep Eiji contained through the first 13 weeks, continually reminding him that it might not be viable, that anything could happen. He doesn’t voice the darker thoughts in his head—that this was a mistake, that his body has been abused so much that he doesn’t see how it’s possible to actually bring a child to term. That he is a _murderer_. Not a father.

He’s not very sick, and he’s not very nauseous, and he doesn’t smell things, or crave things, or really feel much of anything besides the occasional cramping. Eiji keeps bouncing around and talking about how Ash is already such a perfect father, about how well he’s doing. Eiji is so damn excited that he practically glows now, and Ash doesn’t want that to change. He wants Eiji to make Eiji this happy all the time, he wants to give Eiji everything he can, and Ash tries but...

He’s terrified.

On the first day of the fourteenth week, he sits next to Eiji on the couch, tense and anxious as Eiji picks up the phone and calls his sister. He listens as she shrieks into the phone, as Eiji speaks Japanese so quickly that Ash can’t pick out any of it. Then Eiji calls his mom. Then Eiji calls some aunt that apparently lives two prefectures over who Ash has never even heard of.

When he’s finally done with family, he pulls his legs up, sitting criss cross applesauce next to Ash, and nudges against Ash’s arm. “We should call Max,” he says.

Ash swallows hard.

There are only three people from Ash’s past who knew he was an omega and one of them is dead. Everyone else who knew him thinks _Ash_ dead and no one has any reason to suspect otherwise. Max and Jessica are the only two who know that Ash and Eiji moved to Japan and cut ties with everyone else. Jessica isn’t his favorite person in the world, but Ash trusts Max so completely that he doesn’t worry about it. Ever. They talk to Max at least once a month, catch up on everything in the United States, update him on how they’re doing.

Of _course_ they should call Max.

His knee is bouncing again, Eiji’s smiling so hard the skin around his eyes crease, and he reaches across and places a hand against Ash’s belly, fingers splayed out, palm warm, before thumbing Max’s number up and hitting the call icon.

Ash is wearing a black t-shirt, and he’s not showing yet. He’s not, he’s not, _he’s not_ , but everything about him just seems rounder these days, and Eiji’s hand is rubbing so softly and—

“Hey!” Eiji says, his voice too loud, too brazen. “Hey, yeah Max, yeah we have some news. Ash? You want to tell him?”

His hand is still there, and somewhere inside of Ash’s body, there’s a thing that’s growing, a thing that already knows Ash’s voice, and already knows Eiji’s. All the sudden Ash knows he’s going to be sick.

“Sorry,” he rasps out, jolting up from the couch. His ears are buzzing, his whole body is too hot, and he barely makes it to the bathroom in time to puke up the contents of the kale salad that Eiji had practically forced down his throat for lunch. It helps a little. The nausea is gone now, but his anxiety is growing so much that he chokes on it as he tries to brush his teeth.

By the time he comes back out of the bathroom, Eiji is still talking to Max, laughing about something to do with tax returns of all things. He looks up from the couch and their eyes meet. Eiji’s smile grows even brighter.

It makes something jagged and sharp dislodge in Ash’s throat.

“He’s back,” Eiji says. “Yeah, I know he’ll want to tell you himself. I think he was just...sick. Yeah. Sick…”

The word is loaded, and Ash would groan in disgust at how terrible Eiji is at concealing anything except he’s having trouble breathing. He manages to make it back to the couch and sit down as Eiji thrusts the phone into his hand, bouncing like a black lab puppy.

“You okay?” he whispers, slowing down for just a second and studying Ash’s eyes.

Ash nods, then holds the phone to his ear. “Hey, Max.”

“Ash! It’s good to hear from you. Eiji says you guys have news, so please, cut to the chase and just tell me before Jessica steals the damn phone out of my hands!”

Eiji’s watching him, his dark brown eyes sparkling, and he can hear Jessica faintly on the other end of the line, yelling at Max to give her the phone, and he can hear Max breathing, and…

“We’re pregnant,” he says, fighting to keep his voice steady.

“I TOLD YOU SO!” Jessica screams, loud enough that Ash almost drops the phone. “JESSICA!” Max yells, then he’s back chattering excidetly, “No way, I thought maybe, but, no way, no way, FUCK, CONGRATULATIONS!” He’s yelling again, and Ash holds the phone away from his ear for a second.

Eiji is back to constant, frenetic motion—standing up, sitting down, twining his fingers through Ash’s, pulling Ash up and hugging him—

He kisses Ash, then turns so his voice is right up next to the speaker. “I knew he’d want to be the one to say it,” he says. Jessica is still screaming, Max is saying something in that joking, ridiculous voice about always wanting to be a grandfather, Eiji’s cheek is pressed right against Ash’s—Ash can feel his smile grow bigger and bigger…

It’s small, what they have, but it’s definitely family. Ash can breathe again, and he wraps an arm around Eiji’s waist, turning him just enough to kiss him.

He can do this.

_There are hands all over him, pulling at his arms, pushing his legs open. Someone is at his throat, gripping just tight enough that it’s hard to get a breath in._

_“My lynx,” Dino croons, and suddenly his comes into focus, close enough that their noses brush, close enough that Ash can smell the heavy red wine on his breath._

_“I’m sorry,” Ash whines. **I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry**. It’s the only thing he has to offer because he doesn’t know if he’s eight and Dino’s about to take him for the first time, he doesn’t know if he’s twelve and Dino’s men just caught him kissing a girl in the alleyway, he doesn’t know if he’s eighteen and Dino’s watching him put a bullet through his best friend’s eyes._

_Dino’s hands move, thumb gliding down the curve of Ash’s throat, fingers following as they trail further and further down his chest, circling his navel, then—_

_This nightmare is different._

_Ash gasps, struggling to wake up, blinking his eyes furiously and trying so hard to scream._

_“My little lynx...what did you do…” Dino’s voice is hushed, his tongue flickering against the shell of Ash’s ear, and then his hand stops, pressing against Ash’s belly just like Eiji’s had, following the curve of it around because Ash is bigger now, Ash can feel the fluttery, butterfly wings of tiny kicks inside of himself, his heart is beating faster and faster and Dino’s hand stops again. He presses a kiss to Ash’s ear, then tongues down his neck, all the way to the scent gland, to Eiji’s—_

_Dino’s teeth find the spot and rip in, and Ash screams and screams and screams._

He jerks awake.

Eiji’s still asleep next to him, and at Ash’s sudden movement, he curls in further, mumbling Ash’s name before his face falls lax again. The apartment is quiet save for the bathroom fan that runs all night. Eiji likes white noise, and Ash does too. For a long time, Ash had trouble sleeping because every foreign sound made him jolt awake. This helps. Usually.

Ash wraps his arms around his chest and tries to breathe through the harsh, panting gasps that he’s drawing in. His knees come up, and his eyes are starting to fill with tears, even as he presses the heels of his hands to his eyes to stop it.

He doesn’t want to wake Eiji or bother him at all, but when he looks over, Eiji’s eyes are blinking awake, fuzzy and bleary for just a second until his nose flares and he smells Ash’s distress. He moves carefully, uncurling and scooting as close to Ash as he can.

“I’m sorry,” Ash finally says when he’s able to speak again, but those words taste of dream, and they quickly turn to ash in his mouth. “I’m scared,” he amends, and then he chokes off a sob and cries, tears rolling quietly down his face.

Eiji doesn’t say anything, but his fingers curl tighter around Ash’s arm.

The fan keeps buzzing, the moonlight is bright outside their window, and it takes Ash a very long time to calm down, but finally he is able to speak without his throat closing up again. “I just…” Ash squeezes his eyes closed, hating how weak he sounds compared to what he used to be. “I’m not a good person, Eiji. I know we cut everything off, but we might have missed someone, it’s not perfect, these sorts of things never are—”

“Go back,” Eiji says quietly.

“What?”

“I mean...back up? Is that it? Back up. You are a good person. And we have had that conversation before, and we can have it as many times as you want to, but you are a good person and you deserve good things, and I love you.”

“Uh…”

“Now go forward.”

“Go on,” Ash corrects, then shakes his head, irritated at how easily Eiji seems to always deflect his internalized guilt. “It’s go on, not go forward. You sound like you’re a starfleet commander.”

“I am what?”

“Nevermind,” Ash groans.”Look, I know you are so excited, and I wanted this, I really did, but...what if it’s wrong. What if something happens. What if someone tracks me down and comes to Japan, and—”

“It has been five years. I do not think anyone is tracking you down any time soon, and even if they did, Max would know it. He is smart. He is perfectly capable of keeping an eye on things.”

“Now I _know_ you’re just trying to make me feel better, when’s the last time you complimented Max on his intelligence?”

“I said he is smart. He is also insane, crazy, likes risk just a little too much, has horrible taste in shoes, is—”

“Okay, okay,” Ash laughs. “I get it.”

The moonlight shimmers through the curtain, a thick bar of light cutting a line straight down the bed. Ash is on one side of it, still dark. Eiji is right in between the two sides, his face lit up just enough that his eyelashes almost seem to sparkle. “I am scared too,” Eiji says, so quiet Ash almost doesn’t hear it.

Nuzzling at his neck, Ash can smell him—every single wood and ocean note that makes Eiji an alpha, that makes Eiji _his_ alpha. “What if something happens?” Ash asks.

Eiji moves even closer still, far enough that now he is in darkness too, only his profile lit by the slice of moonlight beside him. “Something already has,” he whispers. He pulls Ash back down until they are both facing each other, legs tangled together. He brushes hair away from Ash’s eyes, still damp from nightmare, and just stares.

Ash can’t help but stare back.

The moon moves, slowly, incrementally as they both fall asleep. The bar of light moves too, crawling over Eiji’s body first, then Ash’s, bathing them in light for a few minutes before it’s on the other side of the bed.

The next morning, Ash wakes first.

Eiji’s firmly wrapped in all of the sheets and comforter, and is splayed so wide on Ash’s side of the bed that Ash is impressed he’d managed to fit his own body there at all. He smiles, then heads downstairs where he laces up his tennis shoes. It’s far earlier than he’d usually wake up, but the sun is already shining, so he figures it’s as good a time as ever to go for his daily run.

When he gets back, the apartment is still quiet—Eiji is still asleep. Ash grabs his phone from the pocket of his athletic shorts and thumbs over to Max’s number.

It takes a few rings, and when Max answers, his voice is quiet and hushed. He works as a journalist for the paper, and Ash can hear the commotion of the office through the phone. “I’m at work, whats up?”

“We’re pregnant,” Ash says, a thrill of excitement shivering up his spine.

“You ah...you told me yesterday? I’m gonna be a grandpa and all that? You want me to scream some more?”

Ash laughs. “I know I told you. I just needed to say it again. We’re pregnant. We’re having a baby.” He walks over to the sink, dips his head down and gulps straight from the faucet, just the way Eiji hates. “Fuck, I’m gonna be a dad, Max.”

“You’re going to be a great dad! We’re so excited for you, but Ash, I really have to get back to work—boss is gonna kill me if I don’t get this article typed up by five...”

“Yeah, yeah, go on.”

Ash hangs up and turns to see Eiji standing in the door frame, eyes still bleary with sleep. “Max?” he asks.

Ash nods.

Smiling, Eiji moves around him and opens the fridge, searching for eggs and vegetables. “Omelette?”

“Sure.”

Eiji’s too busy getting the pan ready to notice Ash as he comes up from behind, circling his hands around Eiji’s waist, turning him so they're facing, then pushing him back against the stove. “Hey,” Eiji laughs.

It’s the second day of the fourteenth week and they’re past the first trimester. Ash is healthy. The baby is healthy. Max knows, Jessica knows, Eiji’s family knows.

Ash finally puts a hand against his own belly, his fingers feeling just a hint of roundness that definitely wasn’t there last week. “You’re going to be a dad,” he says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Eiji beams. “So are you.”


End file.
